Photo <a href="https://www.dreamstime.com/romantic-night-sky-large-moon-orange-color-beautiful-sprawling-branches-dark-leaves-skies-universe-stars-concept-image158084427">158084427</a> © <a href="https://www.dreamstime.com/luciferlucifermetal_info" itemprop="author">Phuttaphat Tipsana</a> - <a href="https://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime.com</a>

“Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Sensuous.” “Sensuous who?” “Sensuous up, would you bring me another soda out of the fridge?”

Sensuality is about feeling. I started thinking about it listening to a friend complain about how unsatisfying most of his online hookups were. They were very mechanical but not much more. Certainly no feeling on any level other than physical. Sensation, yes, sensuality, no. Most people think of sensuality as something between two people but the sensuousness of life starts with self and our own experiences.

Life is full of sensuousness, if we will pay attention. Full of luscious, rich, sumptuous, exciting experience of feelings on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. Once we understand what it is, then we can better share that understanding with others.

Think about the feeling of certain foods in your mouth. The taste of your favorite dish and how that resonates throughout your body and the satiation that can bring. When I was little, my favorite dinner was fried shrimp. I liked the crunch of the breading. Combined with flavor of the shrimp and either the kick of the cocktail sauce or the cool tanginess of the tartar sauce. All of that together gave me a feeling of pleasure and excitement because it was so good. Or, the warming sensation of a hot drink on a cold day. A cup of tea or coffee or hot chocolate soothing you as you drink it. There is also the added bonus of the caffeine helping you to feel more alert to the sensations of your body relaxing into the warmth.

The feel of a breeze on a beautiful spring day as it gets inside your clothes and inflates them, making your skin tingle and feel refreshed. It can also refresh the mind and spirit if it has been a long winter and you are now free to go back outside and enjoy the freedom. The lightness you feel by not being weighed down by heavy winter clothes plus that rush of anticipation that you are about to take off with the wind.

The feeling of a friend’s hand on your shoulder that tells you you belong and are accepted just as you are and that you are alright. The sound of rain on a tin roof or the rustle of the wind through the trees that reminds you that nature can be soothing and healing.

Intimacy is not about the mechanics of sex. You’ve been watching too much porn. It is about the closeness, the tenderness, the vulnerability, and the trust between two people regardless of the specific nature of the relationship. The tenderness in the way we treat each other. How close we feel to each other. How willing we are to trust one another enough to be vulnerable with each another. All part of the sensuousness of life.

Thoughts and feelings are very sensual. Some people love drama and the way it makes them feel excited and alive. Other people hate drama. Some people like confrontation, others hate it. Some people love surprises. Other people hate surprises. Some people like spontaneity, others don’t. The sensations of life lived through our physical senses as well as our mind and emotions. Though they all seem something that just happens on the surface, all of these feelings, that rush of sensuousness takes us someplace deeper into our psyche, somewhere outside of time and space, giving our momentary experience a richness and texture and meaning that physical sensation alone can’t provide.

But there is also the sensuality of your spirituality. Our lives are constantly sending us messages with feelings that provide context and texture. A song we hear in passing on the radio that has a message we needed to hear at the moment. A passage we read in a book that is timely. A conversation we overhear. A chance meeting. An unexpected good fortune where something just arrives out of the blue. A feeling that won’t leave us alone. A thought that urges us forward or warns us to stop. A coincidence where – “Hey, I was just thinking about you and here you are.” A synchronicity where something worked out perfectly though it wasn’t planned at all. “Yeah, well, it was just luck or fate or chance.” Are you sure?

“Stop and smell the roses,” we are told when we feel too stressed or overwhelmed. We all live in a world that now prides itself on being so busy all the time that we need to be plugged in 24/7. We are constantly distracted from our own life and the cornucopia of sensual pleasures it affords us every minute of every day.

Sensuousness is about connection on an unspoken level. It happens between the words used to describe it and beyond those words. It is experiential through the five common senses, and through the senses you possess like intuition and knowing and warmth that lie beyond the familiar ones. It opens you to the transcendent where in a moment, and maybe only for a moment, you are lifted beyond time/space where you can touch and be touched by something more than what words can describe. A sensual experience – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual - between two people can end the sense of separateness and/or alienation, leading to a sense that approaches oneness whether with partners, family or friends. Your work, your creative projects, your hopes and dreams all are sources of and all benefit from sensuousness.

Put down your phone. Open your senses. What are the smells, touches, tastes, sounds, sights, that your life is providing you with? Where do the accompanying thoughts and feelings take you? Do you find inspiration or hope or beauty or peace? Maybe a sense of well-being or contentment. Gratitude. Pleasure. Excitement. Life is a very lush experience. But you’ve got to be paying attention or those experiences will slip on by and you’ll be left wondering, just like my friend, why is this all so mechanical and rote? It’s not. But do you dare to find out?

Living Skills offers positive psychology counseling, spiritual counseling, and life coaching services in Atlanta, and online. We are sensitive to the needs of the LGBT community. Sessions available by Skype. Please email us at livingskillsinc@gmail.com or visit www.livingskills.pro. Podcast: “The Problem with Humans” now available on Apple Podcasts, Buzzsprout, Google Podcast, Amazon Music, and Spotify, Overcast, Castro, Castbox, and Podfriend, as well as on my site. Follow us on Twitter - @livingskillsinc