There is drama and there is being dramatic. Being dramatic is an act of expressing what feel like big emotions. Drama is elevating the trivial or less significant things or events to an inappropriate level of meaning and significance.

Now, admittedly, being dramatic can be fun for both the person being dramatic and the people listening in the sense of dramatization. Think of the people who are great story tellers or great writers. They have a way of elevating the mundane into something compelling and interesting. They are often articulate and very observant and have a way of using their observations to embellish and enrich the stories that they are telling. They often are very funny and in touch with the irony of a situation. A woman I have known for many years has a way of making a trip to the store for tomato paste fascinating. The preparation for the excursion; the trip itself; the process of finding the tomato paste, or not, the people she met in the process, all carefully wrought and expressed in a way that leaves you hungering for more.

Or the writers who can fully imagine a world and its inhabitants and bring them to life in such a way as to make it not only real but they also fully immerse you in the world of their creation. My favorite novelist, Richard Russo, has a brilliant way of tackling tough events and situations and sometimes heart-rending emotions in a way that is unmatched. And, he can also be very funny when it serves his purposes of dramatization. People like this are to be cherished for their dramatic skills.

Sometimes, being dramatic is a way good way of expressing emotions that feel, at the moment, too big or too overwhelming or too unbelievable or too wonderful. I have been known to go on dramatic rants when I am frustrated with something that makes no sense to me. These rants are often very funny to the people listening and allow me to blow off steam, but they are a rare occurrence and not a daily activity nor my usual way of expressing what I am thinking and feeling. And yes, sometimes being dramatic serves us well in expressing the good stuff sometimes.

Dramatization can play an important role in understanding. People have new ideas and inspirations and goals all the time. But how often do they stop to evaluate if the idea or inspiration or goal is a good idea or achievable or desirable? Do they stop and evaluate the potential outcomes of their thoughts or decisions or actions? And, as you have all experienced, there are times a colleague or friend or loved one just doesn’t see it. You are trying to get them to see what could happen or why this is not a good path to take or it could be harmful to them and you might as well talk to the garage door.

Storytelling, in a sense, can help people to see. By dramatizing what outcomes could be, you are painting a picture. You are telling a story and that often can be very helpful rather than declarations or judgments or even threats. Rather than, “That’s the dumbest damned thing I have ever heard,” or, “You must have lost your mind to think of something that stupid,” or, “If you do that, I’ll . . .” Paint them a picture. Now this can also work well when someone needs encouragement because they are not sure they are ready to take the risk, or they really can’t see how wonderful something could turn out or they just aren’t sure – but you can see it. By bringing it to light through dramatization, if you will, you may help kindle the spark they need for that chance or for that next step to happen.

Drama is a whole different story. OMG. EVERYTHING rises to the same level of earth-shattering importance. Whether it was the butcher at the supermarket seemingly ignoring them or their best friend not listening to them completely, it is all a concern or crisis that must be talked about and processed to death and resolved before they can move on.

Our culture revels in drama. I don’t know about y’all, but because of the whole Brad-Angelina-Jen thing, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years. Right? So much of what now drives our popular culture is the constant swirl of drama that surrounds the people who produce that culture. What are the latest details about Britney and her fight with her conservators? Name your celebrity or influencer and there is bound to be controversy somewhere. Why? Because it sells and keeps people’s names in the news, regardless of their art or accomplishments.

We are surrounded by drama. Now, again, admittedly, a lot of the cultural drama is done in the service of monetization of that drama. But beside the few who might profit, for the overwhelming majority of us, all the drama does is leave us hanging on by the final thread of our very last nerve.

Now let’s take this down a notch to the more practical. We have all experienced or know someone who has experienced being caught up in some drama of their own making. At my friend Fred’s workplace, people began leaving. At the time the job market was OK but not great but good enough for people to be able to find jobs. Rather than really delving into the reasons people were leaving this particular workplace, Fred chose instead to focus on the drama going on in the management level just above him as he was also a manager. He spent hours trying to decipher what this person meant when they said or did this or that. Months worrying and not sleeping over the current or possible next daily crisis. And this focus on other people’s drama distracted him from the fact that he had seen the writing on the wall that it was time to leave.

Finally his job was eliminated. He had had several years in which to send out applications, network, interview, etc., but instead focused on trying to control the effect that other people’s drama could have on his livelihood.

Why do people get caught up in drama – either their own or that of others’? Because something has to give our lives meaning and significance. That is a basic human need. What do I mean?

Significance. You go to your mechanic for a long overdue oil change. He or she says that they are too backed up with work and asks you to come back tomorrow or the day after. How significant is that? Well, that would depend on what shape you car is in. If you are down to very low oil level and a filthy filter, it is certainly way more significant than if your vehicle hasn’t reached that point. Is something significant to you? Your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? Some people hate celebrating special events. Other people love to celebrate everything they can. The Black Friday sales. Is it significant to you because that is when you traditionally do your XMAS shopping hoping for the best deals or a you’re one of those people who couldn’t be paid to set foot in a mall on Black Friday?

Meaning. What does something mean to you? You mechanic says to come back in a day or two. Does that mean he is swamped or he hates you and hopes your car falls apart so there is more for him to fix? You are the one who has to remind your partner of significant dates or events. Does that mean they don’t care or their mind just doesn’t work that way? What does something mean to you? Big gestures mean very little to me. An expensive gift or sudden declaration of whatever means a lots less to me than how you treat me on a daily basis. For me the little things mean more and I assign them greater significance.

Who gets to decide what is and is not significant in your life and what the event or problem or happy occasion means to you? You do. And there are no right or wrong answers and you can change your mind at any time. But a clue that you are a drama junkie is giving everything the same level of life-changing significance and meaning. That everything means the same thing and has the same significance – that life as you know it will change – is not only not true but impossible. Practice assigning meaning – what does this really mean to me? Practice assigning significance – yeah it happened but is it really significant? Is it really all that important to me? As you do this, you will find that your life gets a lot easier.

Living Skills offers positive psychology counseling, spiritual counseling, and life coaching services in Atlanta, and online. We are sensitive to the needs of the LGBT community. Sessions available by Skype. Please email us at livingskillsinc@gmail.com or visit www.livingskills.pro. Podcast: “The Problem with Humans” now available on Apple Podcasts, Buzzsprout, Google Podcast, Amazon Music, and Spotify, Overcast, Castro, Castbox, and Podfriend, as well as on my site. Follow us on Twitter - @livingskillsinc