I recently got myself involved in a brief mild controversy on Facebook. Someone of long acquaintance whom I admire posted a copy of an open letter that someone had written and posted excoriating the CEO of a major cruise line. The letter writer’s objection was about the cruise line’s medical staff not being experienced enough or properly prepared to care for passengers who accidentally overdose on drugs while at sea. Further, the ship should bring along additional medical personnel who are qualified to deal with drug overdoses.

He was also mad because the cruise line refused to distribute free condoms, that they would supply the ship with, when the cabins are cleaned. He then goes on to say, in the open letter, that though he is aware that the cruise line prohibits drug use, people are going to do it any way and that “the likelihood of drug use increases exponentially when the ship’s itinerary includes all-night dance parties.” So, basically, the cruise line needs to get over it and get ready to deal with at least the possibility of drug overdoses because at sea there are no nearby hospitals like there would be to a bar on land. And by not having his medical staff prepared, the CEO was profiting off of people in whose welfare he has no interest in. “And finally, condoms should be available at all hours of the day, just as they would be on land.” After all, boys just want to have fun.

OK?

Now, what got me into trouble is this. Let’s start with some practical matters. No CEO is going to tacitly publicly approve of the use of drugs on his cruise ships. Not going to happen for a whole host of reasons. Right? Much less say, “Sure, bring all of the drugs you want and we’ll be ready for whatever you party boys throw at us.” Seems to me like being mad with the police for not providing drunk drivers a safe space until they sober up instead of arresting them for drunk driving. Secondly, now that it has been very publicly stated that, “Hey Y’all. We’re bringing drugs,” what is to prevent the DEA from raiding the boat in an American port or the authorities in a foreign port from doing the same? And I asked why is there no responsibility on the people choosing to take the drugs? No one forced them.

Regarding 24 hour condom availability, why should condom distribution be the responsibility of the cruise line? They are not running a bath house. If people want to do drugs, fine, but the responsibility is on them and if they think they will need condoms, then pack them in advance. You want the freedoms that adults have? Then take the responsibilities that come with those freedoms.

Now a lot of people agreed with me and liked the comment. However, I was also accused of saying that if someone overdoses, we should let them die. That I was saying that “naïve party boys” who overdosed did not deserve care. And that I was terrible for making these kinds of moral judgments and that I was uncompassionate because I would let them die.

I said nothing of the sort.

Then someone else chimed in that I should not let young gay men die – “even if they're doing bad choices and not taking responsibility, not sure you let them die because of that.” Further, even cops now carry Narcan to prevent opiate overdoses so if they can do that, why would I let young gay men on a cruise die? “Also where do you draw the line there, do you not carry a defib machine because someone has a heart attack from being overweight - isn't that their responsibility? If someone pigs out on the dessert buffet and goes into diabetic shock do you not carry those supplies since people should just know better.”

Now, if you have read all of the previous 667 words, I have said nothing about letting people die. I would never withhold care from anyone who needed it. I am a practicing counselor, for Pete sake. The notion that I would condone or approve of the withholding of care because I think the person needing care is responsible for the problem they find themselves in - they made their bed and should have to lie in - is absurd.

What I have an issue with is the victimology behind the open letter. I would expect the medical staff to be adequately prepared. “If someone overdoses at sea, they are the victim here and it is the cruise line’s responsibility to be prepared.” Yes, the medical staff should be prepared or the people organizing the cruise can arrange to bring additional properly trained medical staff. However, the people who overdose are not victims. They made a bad choice and, hopefully, after receiving medical care they will learn to make better choices in the future. We are responsible for the choices we make and the actions we take in life. That is how you grab up power when you suddenly feel powerless.

The cruise line is not to blame. Blame and victim go together. I am the victim because of what “they” did to me. It is disempowering to stay there and if we stay in victim we can’t do anything about it, much less begin the healing process. And blame has really never ever solved anything.

Now, certainly, there are times in life where we may be the victim. Legitimately. We have all been at sufferance of the transgressions of others or at sufferance of situations beyond our control. OK. But staying there and blaming them that did it will get you where? Waiting and hoping and praying for someone or something to come and rescue you. Doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a helping hand when one is needed but in waiting to be rescued, you may have a very long wait. However, what we are talking about here is when you are the victim of your own poor decisions and choices and your response to that is to play the victim and blame someone or something else.

So, once we have victim and blame firmly in place, then comes the third component of the trifecta – entitlement. “Because this happened and I have been wronged, I am entitled to . . .” This leads to heart ache because when we feel entitled to a better life, it always comes back to us being responsible for delivering that to ourselves. Life has given you opportunity and hope and imagination and free will and so much more already, it owes you nothing more.

So if something untoward happens to you as a result of a choice you made or an action you took, don’t play victim and blame. Discover what there is to be learned here. How are you going to go about healing from this? What is your strategy for making a better choice next time? That’s power. That’s also compassion toward yourself by consciously seeking to forgive and heal.

And, above all, if you need immediate medical attention, get it.

Living Skills offers positive psychology counseling, spiritual counseling and life coaching services in Atlanta for the LGBT community. Also available by Skype. If you have questions, comments or want to find out about our services, please email us at livingskillsinc@gmail.com