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Dictionary.com defines trolling as “to post inflammatory or inappropriate messages or comments on (the Internet, especially a message board) for the purpose of upsetting other users and provoking a response.” I will add not just a response but a negative emotional response from which the trolled will then respond.

I see and expect some trolling on Facebook and other sites and there is plenty of it. I also see it in people’s comments and responses to news articles on sites like The Washington Post and The New York Times. I am embarrassed for these sites as they are giving us respectable journalism and the people reading and commenting online are behaving like screaming petulant children.

There is name calling. Adults who do not know one another calling each other names. Is this what they are teaching their kids? It does not help that Mr. Trump has elevated retaliation by name calling to a very visible level. Nonetheless, name calling predates him. The name calling ranges from slurs like moron, idiot, stupid, etc., to equating people one doesn’t agree with, with Nazis, fascists, socialists, communists, etc., and anything and everything in between. Really? There is no – absolutely no – interest in understanding what the other person is saying and why they are saying it. Only the assertion that I am right and you’re not. Period. And because I am right and you’re not, you are a moron, jackass, etc.

There are lots of opinions but opinions usually accompanied by very little fact. Patrick Stokes wrote an article that appeared on theconversation.com entitled, “No, you’re not entitled to your opinion.” He states quite correctly, “You are not entitled to your opinion. You are only entitled to what you can argue for.” And to do that, you need facts. I think the people who want to have their opinion count as much as fact simply want to get away with anything they want to say and say it for any reason at all. But can they substantiate their argument? Absolutely not. Thus the need for name calling so as to distract from the fact that they can’t defend whatever opinion position they are declaring.

He also makes the points that there are such things as facts like 2+2 =4; there are no square circles, etc. Right? Stokes writes, “I’d be silly to insist that you’re wrong to think strawberry ice cream is better than chocolate.”

Nevertheless, the next step in the trolling process – having already moved through name calling and insistence on one’s opinion - is the determination that “I am right. Not only am I right but you’d better get it.” The need to be right, is as fascinating as it is destructive. Now, many of us grew up in an atmosphere in which you got punished for making mistakes or being wrong. It isn’t bad enough that you feel terrible for having been wrong or having made a mistake but that you have to be punished for it on top of it, is insane thinking. We should encourage learning from experiences where we fall short. Heaven forbid. I need to be right and I am going to be right, no matter the cost. And we have all seen people throw away jobs, friendships, relationships, all in service to having to be right.

Next we then get into more name calling, threats back and forth and even death threats. The most egregious example I can think of currently was the fact that the Parkland, Florida school kids driving the #Enough and March for Our Lives movements received death threats as well as smears seeking to delegitimize them. First if all, no one with any decency – ANY DECENCY – makes deaths threats against children, much less children who have lived through something as horrific as a school shooting. So we threaten one another. We seek to delegitimize people we don’t agree with so that we don’t feel bad about the name calling, the insulting, the opinion slinging, and the insistence on being right. But do we try listening or seeking to understand the other person? Why would you want to do that when demonizing someone is so much more fun? I mean they don’t know what they are talking about, they are wrong, they deserve what they get. Right?

And we call this trolling. And we accept trolling as an inevitable part of being on the internet. And we accept this behavior from adults in our society. And we heave and sigh and wring our hands and wonder whatever is to be done about such uncivil behavior.

I think it time to call trolling out for what it is - cowardly childish irresponsible manipulation. It is cowardly because the trolls can hide behind a pretty good layer of anonymity. Few people actually know them or know who they are and where they live, etc., but then the trolls aren’t flaming their friends. So they get online, pick fights from behind the screen of the internet and never actually risk any consequences for their bad behavior. For my part, you got something ugly to say to me? It better be in person to my face and you’d better be civil about it. Otherwise, you are just a coward with a big mouth.

It is childish because it is all a giant attempt at manipulating others. You don’t have to be smart to manipulate people. As a matter of fact, those who use manipulation rather than engaging in a productive conversation as their “go to” strategy aren’t real smart. Why? Because young children manipulate. They don’t even have to be taught how to do it. They figure it out on their own and work at manipulating their parents into giving them what they want until their parents teach them that such behavior isn’t acceptable. It isn’t a sign of advanced intelligence. How do I know that? Look at the quality of most manipulations. The manipulator is grasping at straws and will try anything. Further, for the most part, we know when we are being manipulated. We can feel it. When someone gets online with the sole intent of provoking a negative emotional response from strangers, one wonders if there is any good reason for them behaving like this other than they can and they risk few if any consequences, like children seeing what they can get away with

And trolling is irresponsible. Manipulation is not an acceptable response, ever. Trolling is hurtful, disrespectful, uncivil, unkind, you get my point. If your kids behaved this way you’d have a fit. But hey, it’s the internet and so . . . whatcha gonna do? My foot. Were it up to me on my site, posts would either have to be vetted like they do with letters to the editor to make sure the letters presented offer something substantive in an appropriate fashion, or they would not be allowed. I don’t want to be party to venues where I have to listen to adults behave like spoiled brats. It embarrasses me as I wonder if this is really the best we can do in 2018. I sincerely hope not. But my point is not to play scolding parent to the world. The point and the shame of it all is when you look at the problems the world is facing – big problems needing big solutions – and then you realize the amount of time and energy and focus and intention that goes into trolling is leaving a lot less energy and time and focus for solving the big problems. So, do we want to fiddle, or troll in this case, while Rome burns or do we want to leave the world a better place?

One final thought. Every time one of us responds to a troll, that increases the page view numbers of whatever site the nonsense pushing our buttons is on. More views equal potential ad clicks. And they show the increased numbers of page views to advertisers and potential investors. The more page views, the higher price you can charge for ads. So sites, even the “respectable” ones, have a financial incentive to allow, if not outright promote, trolling as it means money in the bank. Cynical, right? Am I? Do you want to feed into this kind of corporate greed at the expense of the and risk of losing civil society? Trolling has no value. Civil conversation might – but that ain’t happening on the internet as it goes against corporate interests. So once again, do we want to fiddle, or troll in this case, while Rome burns or do we want to leave the world a better place?

Living Skills offers positive psychology counseling, spiritual counseling and life coaching services in Atlanta for the LGBT community. Also available by Skype. If you have questions, comments or want to find out about our services, please email us at livingskillsinc@gmail.com